I am so excited to welcome Carolyn Clarke to the blog today. Carolyn is the author of And Then There's Margaret... Her latest book, And Now There's Zelda... is a fantastic follow up novel. You can read my reviews by clicking on the respective titles below.
Today, Carolyn is going to be talking about the sandwich generation; something that many of us can identify with. Welcome to the blog Carolyn.
Caught between the responsibilities of aging parents and adult children lies the sandwich generation, where the strain of caregiving can weigh heavily—both emotionally and financially. Navigating these complexities is no small feat. As someone knee deep in the sandwich generation, helping to care for my 90-year-old mother, I understand firsthand the heartache of witnessing her decline. I mourn the loss of her vitality and her once vibrant presence in our lives. And then there are my two mid-twenty daughters. There are moments of uncertainty and even nostalgia as I grapple with the shifting dynamics of our relationship. Gone are the days of bedtime stories and scraped knees; now it's conversations about career choices and boyfriends. I find myself straddling the line between offering advice and stepping back to let them find their own way.
Surprisingly, this demographic comprises almost half, roughly 47%, of individuals in their 40s and 50s. In my second novel And Now There’s Zelda (Sequel to And Then There’s Margaret), our protagonist, Allie, is also “sandwiched” between her aging mother (and mother-in-law, Margaret) and her adult children, Samantha and Camerson who still very much depend on her for advice and of course for financial support. Meanwhile, Allie’s just trying to keep her own sanity sandwiched somewhere in between. It's a comedy of errors, really. One minute she's doling out advice to her kids, and the next she’s explaining to her mom how to use emojis on her smartphone.
All kidding aside, expert Carol Abaya delves deeper, categorizing three distinct roles within the sandwich generation:
1. The Traditional Sandwich Generation: Individuals typically in their 40s or early 50s find themselves sandwiched between elderly parents requiring care and their own adult children in need of support, be it financial or otherwise.
2. The Club Sandwich Generation: Older adults in their 50s or 60s are wedged between the needs of aging parents, adult children, and potentially grandchildren. This term can also apply to younger adults in their 30s or 40s juggling the demands of younger children, elderly parents, and aging grandparents.
3. The Open Faced Sandwich Generation: This category encompasses individuals who, at some point in their lives, find themselves providing non-professional care for elders, accounting for an estimated 25% of the population.
For Allie and many others of the sandwich generation, we are finding ourselves grappling with a myriad of challenges. We often battle feelings of burnout (not a great mix with the big ‘hormonal’ changes), depression, and isolation, compounded by the guilt and frustration of trying to fulfill roles as a spouse, parent, and child simultaneously. Juggling work, hobbies, relationships, and personal time becomes increasingly difficult, leaving us feeling completely overwhelmed. As we’re pulled in multiple directions, we experience a sense of losing control, struggling to manage the demands of caregiving and our own lives - such as writing this blog and promoting And Now There’s Zelda!
If you’re interested in hearing more on my take of being part of this generation, here’s my interview with Cameron Cowan.
The Cameron Journal Podcast - The Sandwich of Middle Age
Thank you Carolyn for being on the blog today. It has been a delight to host you.
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